when will I get my life back?

When will I get my life back? Ahhh, the question of every new mother. And let’s be honest, the question of every mother with children who are still little. Or maybe every mother ever? I don’t know, I’m not there yet. What I do know is that my friend Stephanie of Modern Milk asked me to come share my “real tips for your new life as a mom” at the Modern Milk Happy Mom’s Group this Friday. And that got me thinking about all the things I wished I had known as a new mom, about 5.5 years ago.

There are so many little things I’ve learned along the way. Like how to get a proper breastfeeding latch, how many diapers I need for an outing, and how to pack my diaper bag for every situation. Bigger things too like how to breastfeed, how to calm my crying baby, and how to accomplish a trip to the grocery store with baby(s) in tow. But I also remember oh-so-well that overwhelming feeling of wondering just what. exactly. I had gotten myself into?! And WHEN, exactly, would it all settle down and just go back to normal? I needed to know!

I remember having several conversations with my husband before and after our first baby was born. We are both fiercely independent people who love our alone time, but also love each other passionately. How was a baby going to fit into our lives? I was adamant [and he agreed] that we weren’t going to be “those people” who let the baby take over our entire lives. I went back to work when my baby was three months old. My husband was back after about a week. I get that this is “normal” in this country, but I was still very raw at that stage and certainly wasn’t as ready for that transition as I thought I would be.

[You can read more about my thoughts on working and motherhood in this past post].

I also signed up for a marathon that I ran when he was five months old. Which meant I was basically training from just a few days after he was born. I was really into running half and full marathons in the couple of years just before he was born. I had a training group of friends and we would run long distance training runs together almost every weekend. We would talk about upcoming races, training strategies, and little bits of our lives on those long runs. I loved it and wanted it to continue to be a part of my life.

What I didn’t really realize [or want to recognize] was how much stress I was putting on my body between working full time, caring for my baby, training for a marathon, and exclusively pumping/breastfeeding. I was going to do it all and I was hell bent on it. But in the end, trying to do it all, I fell apart. I eventually sought antidepressant-meds.com for postpartum depression. After my marathon race was over, I took a break from running. My milk supply plummeted, so that also got involuntarily taken off my plate. Slowly but surely, the fog began to lift and I started to feel better. Work was not going great, but with new clarity, I could see that it was time to move on. Fortunately, I found an even better position at a new place very quickly and easily.

Just as life was starting to feel “normal” again, we had another baby. Don’t get me wrong, she was very much planned and loved. Still, a new baby is a new beginning again. New adjustments and new challenges. And then not long after that, we had another.

Just recently, that third baby turned one. And again, I finally feel like the fog is lifting and I am starting to feel like “me” again. Knowing that this third baby is our last also brings with it a new sense of peace. Our family is complete.

People often ask me if the transition from one to two or from two to three is harder. I always say the same thing. It’s the transition from zero to one, for me. It’s like nothing you’ve ever done before. You can read every book and talk to every person you know who’s ever had a baby and still, you bring home that first baby and you know NOTHING. It’s terrifying! But simultaneously oh so rewarding, sweet, and euphoric.

And then today, the perfect metaphor hit me.

Having a baby doesn’t mean your life as you know it is over. When you have a baby, it means that the life you once had just got shattered into a million pieces. You have no idea what just happened. but slowly, surely, you pick up the pieces and you put them back together. Not in exactly the same way you they were before. you take the pieces you need and you leave what you don’t. You add these new beautiful pieces of your life in too. In the end, you are left with a fantastic, messy, mosaic that makes up your new life. A life that is wiser and richer, but absent from all the things which weren’t fulfilling you. A life your younger, pre-baby self never could have even dreamed of.

To hear about my simple “real tips for real moms,” please join me at Modern Milk in Scottsdale, Arizona this Friday, October 14th, 11:45 am – 1:00 pm. This event is recommended for new moms of babies twelve months and younger and babies are welcome in the class. The best part is it’s FREE! You can reserve your spot here. Hope to see you there!

All photos are copyright by Dream Photography Studio.